The Church Cake Fiasco

My mother no longer goes to church. She has decided that the church that she attended with my father must be some kind of cult. As a result of her paranoia, she believes that everyone at church is against her.

This all begin quite innocently. A few months ago, at a charitable event, someone asked if she had brought one of the cakes. If she brought a cake. Out of that simple question she has spun a tangled web of tales, none of which are true. It goes something like this:

It's obvious that the way that they asked the question implied that they disliked her cake. Why, it was actually quite offensive. Not only that, but they purposely offended her. Their behavior is shocking! And everyone at that church is always finding ways to offend her. They've never liked her cake. Or any of her food. She can tell by the way that they look at her. It's cultish. They couldn't possibly have the Holy Spirit. Oh, and that pastor. All he wants is her money. That's probably why his whole family doesn't like her anyway. They're not nice enough to her. It's not a real church. They're just pretending. Why would she want to be around such hateful people? She could never condone such egregious behavior. In fact, she "can't go to that church. It would be like asking [her] to go to a Buddhist temple. It's not right... It's frightening."

This has been followed, of course, by her quest to convince my dad that he can't go to church either.

She complains that he should not leave her alone on Sunday mornings. She complains that they should be going to the same place together. She complains that with regards to this situation, my dad has not done exactly what she says he should. She also complains that she feels like she's "a widow." Then she complains some more: "I'm a spiritual widow. It's very odd to be married and not things the same way."

This is only the beginning, as you might guess.

You've got to watch out for those people that try to make friendly conversation about your cake. They could be in a cult, you know. Just ask my mother. She can tell you.